To be honest, I had very few friends from the beginning, right from the school. Since I lived in the colony so I never got close to any of my school friends. But my group at syntex colony banswara was just awesome enough to not let me look into other frontiers for friends. Though now some of my best friends like pankaj bhaiya, ranu, vikki, romi, saurabh, monu, gilli bhaiya,ashu bhaiya etc have either moved out of banswara for jobs, studies etc or simply transfered as per their fathers service but those faint memories of playing cricket in rains or at 9pm in night in halogen or the chupa-chupi and marbles in the summers when i was in sixth standard or the football during our 'picnics', I still feel nostalgic remembering those moments. May be that was the best childhood I could ever had. Though the busy schedules and changing scenarios of my life has cut me off completely with them in maintaining contacts but I still remember each one of them and just wish that I get to relive those days back when i was in school.
Friends at IIT: Well, IIT is very different place to be. More about my friends of first 3 years later, let me narrate the changing friendship scenario in the 4th year. In the last semester at IIT, I felt the cold wave of kota again, when i got my app in stanford, I found that there were people in my batch who had never even bothered to waive to me while crossing or even say hi, had started to give me importance or even tried to talk to me. Well thats nothing abnormal, after all it happens everywhere and everyone wants him/herself to associate with the best. But important thing i have learnt now is to differentiate between the 'real' friends and the temporary ones. There are people who have helped and supported me all throughout my stay at IIT and its very important that you dont forget and acknowledge their contribution or say friendship when you win big in life. I still remember tuchu who was the first one to inform me about my job on 12th jan in the mess. His genuine excitement and happiness for my selection at that moment really touched me. In fact, very few people know how it feels to wait for a month in placement season and then get finally placed after 42 days of depression and impatience.
Satyam another of my best friend in hostel, this guy has helped me immensely in academics and even though i was skeptic of him in the first year; I have stared to love his childlike characteristics in last few years. Now he may not fit in the so called league which people at iit try to surround themselves with, but the guy has heart of gold when it comes to help others. Same with another of my batchmate Varun puri who is one of the most hardworking guy I have found in my batch. This guy is really a fighter and is available for help anytime you approach him. Same is with richie who is one of the most trustworthy and unbelievably great person I have been fortunate to find in my neighbourhood. He is unlike all his CSEs who would just come to you when you are at top of the hill and leave you when you go down. He is like a mentor to me. It is with these set of friends that I have realized what is meant by friends and that true friends are not those who would just laugh with you in your happiness but most importantly those who would help you and stand by you in face of crisis, whenever required. There are so many of them in this 'true' set to describe in my batch like milky, kamlakar, ankit, bubna etc but I dont have the appetite to type so long now.
A true friend is not only the one whom you can share your feelings on any matter but also a mentor when it comes to guide you. Yesterday I was so confused about what to do in life and this thought has consistently bothered me for last 3 months. I almost made my mind yesterday at 2:30AM that I would ditch stanford and take up the job. Today morning I called up my mom and dad to tell them that but for some reason I didnt tell them that. I called up my brother for this as he is my god when it comes for guidance and mentoring. But still hesitantly I cut the phone off in between. Guess the nervousness has taken all the guts and courage to take such a big decision. I have contacted all my great seniors to some big corporate people to even some industrialist to know their views on my dillema but everyone had echoed the same views - go and join stanford. But still I wasnt sure whether this is really the choice I opted for. Fortunately vikas rang and came to my room suprisingly at lunch time. He is one of the few guys whose thoughts i appreciate greatly and from whom I have learnt so many things. This guy sat with me for 3 hours, listened to all my cribs, doubts and fears and then convinced me based on his industrial experience, why I should go there. After these 3 hours I was convinced that Stan is the right choice !! Only a true friend can take the pain to guide and help you like this even when the subject doesnt have anything to do with him.
Now you cannot imagine how much pain this stan issue has caused me for last 1 month. I have been walking lonely at 3AM on the insti roads thinking about all the pros and cons of the options available and how will the future be like if i take this road or that one. Day before yesterday I went to temple at 12 in the night to think again about this issue. What will happen if i go to stan, will I be able to come back to india then, how will i take care of my family then, dad is aging slowly and becoming emotional day by day, i want to stay with my parents, will i be able to make it up in the tough competition in US, is IIM really a better choice than Stanford, Is MS the right choice for me, Am i really interested in engineering, why am i inclined in economics if i am going for engineering masters, will i be able to pay back my loans, will i be able to settle in small beautiful town like banswara in my 40s like my dad, will i be able to live with my friends again after going to US, why should i study further and go abroad if family and friends hold more importance to me than money, why should i stay here and sacrifice my dream of becoming ceo of a global company, should i leave this golden oppurtunity to attend the best univ in the world which everyone at iit yearns for, am i just going for the degree and the brand name, Am i really learning anything from my education, did i learn anything from iit is it really adding value; why do i find internship/working in the industry more valuable than college education and if that is so then why am i going for college studies again; what do i want in life, are my goals material based or satisfaction based; Am i happy after all these achievements; even after making it to IIT, being a 9 pointer, getting into stan, am i really happy with myself; do i count the last 4 years as the happiest in my life, did i gain anything from them or am i being the same when i left home; Is running after money,degrees and status more important than life itself; Am i just running after the herd; Why am i constantly comparing myself with my collegues and seniors; does a panwala or a government clerk more happy than a corporate bigwig and if yes then why should i be crave for the latter; Am I really enjoying my life now; Is it really important to be succesful in life; Did i loose anything in this cat race ( yes i did and not one but lot of things), why I dont like playing cricket anymore - is the work burden or simply the fact that all this time my acads and pursuit of so called success has taken toll on my hobbies, when did i last time played cricket/football and if i did, was i really burdenfree while playing, who are my true friends; should I really help a stranger when I know I might be missing my job in the process; what is the purpose of all this, what is life and what is my purpose here; What is the end result of all this; aaahhhhhhffffffffffff....................well these are just some questions which have bothered me for last few years and for which I am constantly looking for answers even though I know they lead to none...guess what I am already into the quarter life crisis.........You can see how messed up my thoughts are and how long I've been yearning for answers but guess what keep looking is the only words that have been conveyed from the sky..
Well more on this later, have to prepare for btp presentation now, vaibhav is around and now i have to concentrate on work. I've made lot of gramatical mistakes etc in the above and I am writing like a half drunk person now with no looking back at the last written word. But guess this is the first blog and i have the right to ask for mercy in the beginning.
Also forgot to write about lot of friends and more on those mentioned before but have no time and appetite for now to do so. Will write again after 29th when my final mission at IIT gets over, bye Anup
Regards
Myself
Friends at IIT: Well, IIT is very different place to be. More about my friends of first 3 years later, let me narrate the changing friendship scenario in the 4th year. In the last semester at IIT, I felt the cold wave of kota again, when i got my app in stanford, I found that there were people in my batch who had never even bothered to waive to me while crossing or even say hi, had started to give me importance or even tried to talk to me. Well thats nothing abnormal, after all it happens everywhere and everyone wants him/herself to associate with the best. But important thing i have learnt now is to differentiate between the 'real' friends and the temporary ones. There are people who have helped and supported me all throughout my stay at IIT and its very important that you dont forget and acknowledge their contribution or say friendship when you win big in life. I still remember tuchu who was the first one to inform me about my job on 12th jan in the mess. His genuine excitement and happiness for my selection at that moment really touched me. In fact, very few people know how it feels to wait for a month in placement season and then get finally placed after 42 days of depression and impatience.
Satyam another of my best friend in hostel, this guy has helped me immensely in academics and even though i was skeptic of him in the first year; I have stared to love his childlike characteristics in last few years. Now he may not fit in the so called league which people at iit try to surround themselves with, but the guy has heart of gold when it comes to help others. Same with another of my batchmate Varun puri who is one of the most hardworking guy I have found in my batch. This guy is really a fighter and is available for help anytime you approach him. Same is with richie who is one of the most trustworthy and unbelievably great person I have been fortunate to find in my neighbourhood. He is unlike all his CSEs who would just come to you when you are at top of the hill and leave you when you go down. He is like a mentor to me. It is with these set of friends that I have realized what is meant by friends and that true friends are not those who would just laugh with you in your happiness but most importantly those who would help you and stand by you in face of crisis, whenever required. There are so many of them in this 'true' set to describe in my batch like milky, kamlakar, ankit, bubna etc but I dont have the appetite to type so long now.
A true friend is not only the one whom you can share your feelings on any matter but also a mentor when it comes to guide you. Yesterday I was so confused about what to do in life and this thought has consistently bothered me for last 3 months. I almost made my mind yesterday at 2:30AM that I would ditch stanford and take up the job. Today morning I called up my mom and dad to tell them that but for some reason I didnt tell them that. I called up my brother for this as he is my god when it comes for guidance and mentoring. But still hesitantly I cut the phone off in between. Guess the nervousness has taken all the guts and courage to take such a big decision. I have contacted all my great seniors to some big corporate people to even some industrialist to know their views on my dillema but everyone had echoed the same views - go and join stanford. But still I wasnt sure whether this is really the choice I opted for. Fortunately vikas rang and came to my room suprisingly at lunch time. He is one of the few guys whose thoughts i appreciate greatly and from whom I have learnt so many things. This guy sat with me for 3 hours, listened to all my cribs, doubts and fears and then convinced me based on his industrial experience, why I should go there. After these 3 hours I was convinced that Stan is the right choice !! Only a true friend can take the pain to guide and help you like this even when the subject doesnt have anything to do with him.
Now you cannot imagine how much pain this stan issue has caused me for last 1 month. I have been walking lonely at 3AM on the insti roads thinking about all the pros and cons of the options available and how will the future be like if i take this road or that one. Day before yesterday I went to temple at 12 in the night to think again about this issue. What will happen if i go to stan, will I be able to come back to india then, how will i take care of my family then, dad is aging slowly and becoming emotional day by day, i want to stay with my parents, will i be able to make it up in the tough competition in US, is IIM really a better choice than Stanford, Is MS the right choice for me, Am i really interested in engineering, why am i inclined in economics if i am going for engineering masters, will i be able to pay back my loans, will i be able to settle in small beautiful town like banswara in my 40s like my dad, will i be able to live with my friends again after going to US, why should i study further and go abroad if family and friends hold more importance to me than money, why should i stay here and sacrifice my dream of becoming ceo of a global company, should i leave this golden oppurtunity to attend the best univ in the world which everyone at iit yearns for, am i just going for the degree and the brand name, Am i really learning anything from my education, did i learn anything from iit is it really adding value; why do i find internship/working in the industry more valuable than college education and if that is so then why am i going for college studies again; what do i want in life, are my goals material based or satisfaction based; Am i happy after all these achievements; even after making it to IIT, being a 9 pointer, getting into stan, am i really happy with myself; do i count the last 4 years as the happiest in my life, did i gain anything from them or am i being the same when i left home; Is running after money,degrees and status more important than life itself; Am i just running after the herd; Why am i constantly comparing myself with my collegues and seniors; does a panwala or a government clerk more happy than a corporate bigwig and if yes then why should i be crave for the latter; Am I really enjoying my life now; Is it really important to be succesful in life; Did i loose anything in this cat race ( yes i did and not one but lot of things), why I dont like playing cricket anymore - is the work burden or simply the fact that all this time my acads and pursuit of so called success has taken toll on my hobbies, when did i last time played cricket/football and if i did, was i really burdenfree while playing, who are my true friends; should I really help a stranger when I know I might be missing my job in the process; what is the purpose of all this, what is life and what is my purpose here; What is the end result of all this; aaahhhhhhffffffffffff....................well these are just some questions which have bothered me for last few years and for which I am constantly looking for answers even though I know they lead to none...guess what I am already into the quarter life crisis.........You can see how messed up my thoughts are and how long I've been yearning for answers but guess what keep looking is the only words that have been conveyed from the sky..
Well more on this later, have to prepare for btp presentation now, vaibhav is around and now i have to concentrate on work. I've made lot of gramatical mistakes etc in the above and I am writing like a half drunk person now with no looking back at the last written word. But guess this is the first blog and i have the right to ask for mercy in the beginning.
Also forgot to write about lot of friends and more on those mentioned before but have no time and appetite for now to do so. Will write again after 29th when my final mission at IIT gets over, bye Anup
Regards
Myself
